do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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