The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
