so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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