its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
