dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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