..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
