The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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