I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
