For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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