Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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