none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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