Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
