his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
