the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
