You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize