you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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