Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
