I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize