Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize