another moral hangover. fuck.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
