Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
