One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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