Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
