Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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