Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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