My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize