well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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