I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
