I think im going to throw up on grandma
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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