dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
