At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
