weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize