I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
We are all done wearing pants today
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