so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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