I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
