I love black thongs
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
