i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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