I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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