No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
