two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
