my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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