and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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