carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I wear drunk well.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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