This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
