She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
