Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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