I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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