Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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