my mouth tastes like poor choices
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
