you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She even gives head with a lisp.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
