Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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